Finding Joy In the Storm: Is Happiness a Choice or a Privilege?

Let’s dive into something that’s been on my mind lately, especially after a heart-to-heart I had with a friend who visited from San Diego. We’ve known each other for over a decade, and he’s mostly seen me in work mode. But this time, over drinks, he pointed out something that hit deep: he remembered me as this beacon of happiness, and now, I seemed... well, drained.

And you know what? He’s not wrong. Becoming a mom in March 2020 was a game-changer, especially with the whole world doing its best impression of a dumpster fire outside. It’s been tough, especially with my partner and I handling parenting duties without a village. And, yeah, I’ve got some scars from the past—growing up wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me, with all shades of abuse darkening my childhood memories. So, joy? Not really part of my vocabulary.

But here’s the kicker: during my divorce in 2018, I made a choice. I chose me, and I chose joy. Or at least, I thought I did. My friend, bless him, talked about his wife’s seemingly innate ability to just... be joyful. And he said something that really made me pause: “Joy is a human right.” And I’m like, “Is it, though?” I mean, sure, it sounds great on paper, but we all know the world doesn’t exactly hand out happiness and rights evenly. Joy is a privilege for people who grew up surrounded by joy. It’s like you were born into wealth.

It got me thinking—how does one even start to choose joy in the midst of the deepest depression? How do you find that spark in the overwhelming darkness? If it was as simple as picking joy off a menu, don’t you think we’d all be feasting on it by now?

But here’s the thing: I do find moments of joy. They’re there in the quiet mornings, with the sun peeking in and my kid snuggled close. They’re in those solo moments of achievement, or when I’m surrounded by my people—those rare gems who refill my spirit and remind me I’m more than just a checklist.

So, the million-dollar question remains: How do we make joy the default setting? If anyone’s cracked that code, hit me up. Because, believe me, if it was as easy as flipping a switch, I wouldn’t just choose joy; I’d be dancing in it.

Until then, I’m here, sifting through the chaos, grabbing those fleeting moments of joy, and maybe, just maybe, hoping to learn how to turn them into a steady glow. If you’ve got any tips, or if you’re on a similar journey, let’s chat. Because navigating this path to finding joy—it’s a wild ride, and I could use all the company I can get.